Hearts and Thoughts
by mbeelove
Summary: Edward and Bella find each other but can their love stand the test of time? AH/OOC/Cannon/
1. Chapter 1 Return

**Note:  
**

**First FF, no beta yet, so forgive me... and hopefully enjoy.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight.**

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Hearts and Thoughts

Chapter 1

Return

Ding-a-ling the tiny bell above the door chimed

"I'll be right with you" I said from behind the counter in the small town dinner that had become my life.

My back was to the entrance as I pulled the fresh baked pie from the oven, preparing for the dinner rush. And by rush I mean the same three costumers that always had dinner on Wednesday nights here.

Small towns.

"I'll wait" the man who had just entered said softly.

His voice was raspy and cool and it sang to me as if from another time or place.

In my dreams.

I slowly turned around to face the voice and saw the man. His green eyes had not changed, but his hair no longer coppery and wild, had.

Our eyes meet and an eternity passed.

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A/N: Return? Review? Both, hopefully!


	2. Chapter 2 Small Town

**Note:  
**

**First FF, no beta yet, so forgive me... and hopefully enjoy.**

**S Meyer owns Twilight.**

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* * *

  
**

Hearts and Thoughts

Chapter 2

Small Town

**BPOV**

I have lived in the small town of Forks, Washington for my entire life. It's a place that my dad Charlie, the Chief of Police, has been able to make a decent living that had afforded my mom, Renee, a comfortable life as a stay at home mom until her passing three years ago.

We have a nice upper middle class house toward the center of town and we want for little as far as money goes. Small town living is cheep and the Chief is paid pretty well.

Small towns have other perks too, low crime rates, the feel of community amongst neighbors, and the fact that little changes, so you always know what to expect.

Small towns are boring as shit.

Until today.

While waiting for Mr. Banner, the science teacher, to arrive I sat at my lab desk, staring at the January drizzle steaming down the window, obscuring the outside into a blurry grey and green masterpiece. I love the rain.

Forks high school not so much.

It's two weeks into second semester and I'm in full senior slide mode. I've already been accepted into Brown in the fall and now I'm just enjoying the fruits of my labor. I think I deserve a few months to slack off, especially after 12 years of working my ass off to get into a great college and to get out of this little town.

Five minutes after the morning bell rang, Mr. Banner scurried into the room, looking a bit flustered, which is nothing new. Holding his morning coffee in one had and his briefcase, grading book, attendance sheet and lesson plans in the other and from the looks of it, wearing some of his morning coffee as well. Tossing the papers and books to his desk and dropping his briefcase to the ground he went to task wiping at the coffee stain on his cream button down dress shirt, sears issued.

"Is this AP Bio?"

"Yes, yes. Come in, come in. You're a bit late. You must be our new transfer, Mr. Cullen correct?" Mr. Banner said, still half distracted by his coffee stain and a total pot calling the kettle black.

I glanced briefly away from my Monet painted rain soaked window to see another masterpiece of grey and green standing at the front of class, speaking in a low tone to Mr. Banner as to not elicit anymore attention from the class.

His head was tilted down slightly and his hands were shoved deep into his dark jean pockets. His hair, a coppery golden brown color was styled with no rhyme or reason. Wild and sexy and dripping small droplets of rain onto his grey wool coat.

_Did Banner just say Cullen? Holyhotwannaplaydoctorwithme. I then mentally punched myself for being no better than all of the small town simple minded Forks high school female population, whom I am sure, are thinking the exact same thing right now. It's just a guy, and Brown will have many more of them. The last thing I need is to get all silly high school crush crazy on some new townie. But seriously, wanna play doctor anyway? Punch!_

Our town's local doctor passed away a few weeks back. He was nearly 90 years old and had practically delivered 2 generations of the Forks community in his 60 years as town Doc. ..Old. and senile to say the least in the last few years.

So, whenever I had anything more serious than the common cold, Charlie, my Dad, would take me to Port Angeles to the largest hospital on the Olympic Peninsula to be seen. Assuring that my doctor had actually earned his medical degree since the invention of electricity.

On my most recent visit to Port Angeles Medical Center, for a sprained ankle, I hate gym class. Charlie mentioned in passing, while the doctor wrapped my ankle, that Forks was in dire need of a new local doctor and if he had any suggestions or referrals. To my shock, Dr. Cullen said he had been considering for some time opening a family practice in the area and would be happy to do so in our little town.

Dr. Cullen is PAMC's very own McDreamy and the thought of this beautiful man in Forks seems totally out of place, but the town would be so much better off for his medical expertise and I will be so much better off to not have to drive 2 hours every time I trip over my stupid self. Plus the added bonus of swooning over Dr. Cullen, score!

_Edward Cullen makes his dad look fugly. Punch! Punch!_

My lab partner, Mike Newton had been out of school since winter break from contracting mono from our schools own afternoon delight, Jessica Stanley, leaving my lab table the only free seat in class.

Mike is the fourth guy in the last month to get mono. Someone needs to quarantine that girl asap, but hopefully with Hot Doc in town now, maybe the plague she has been spreading will cease.

With his head still slightly tilted down his eyes suddenly darted up and toward me as Mr. Banner pointed in my general direction.

His eyes. Mesmerizing. Green. Soulful. Locked into mine and for one brief moment eternity stood still and I knew completely, and irrevocable… my heart will break.

I gasped slightly, under my breath, at the unexplained thought while I tried to shake off the feeling that had suddenly engulfed my entire being in that moment.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen. Mr. Banner said I should sit here with you, is that…ok?"

"Yeah…. Yes, I mean… ok…of course…whatever."

_Cool Bella, very cool._

"And you are?"

"Oh, sorry. Bella Swan. I know your dad."

_Really Bella, why?_

"Like biblically?" he said chuckling under his breath

"Yeah, WHAT? I mean… NO! I know your dad because he has treated me at the hospital a few times."

_Dick._

"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to say you know my Dad and well, my best friends would get it… kind of an inside joke, and now I'm wishing they were here or I was…well…not. Seriously, sorry. I know who you are too, your Chief Swans daughter right?"

_What? How? What?_

Still trying to regain my composure and sort out all that had just transpired in the last 5 minutes, I quickly nodded and turned back toward my window painting. I needed a minute.

_He knows who I am?_

A moment later Edward leaned carefully over my shoulder and whispered quietly into my ear, "It looks like Monet's Nympheas."

Catching my breath, and trying to steady my heart, I sighed and let a small smile dance around my lips as I glanced sideways at Edward and declared "I love the rain."

_And by rain, I may mean you. _

To which I was met with a dazzling smile that grew slowly from Edwards lips and touched his eyes while he whispered "I do too."

**EPOV**

I hate my dad sometimes.

I actually think he is one of the finer men I have ever known. He has loved and supported me, my sister and Mom my whole life, but damn if I was not totally pissed about having to move to BFE and I was being a bit of a brat about the whole thing. But Shit. I had a good thing going here. I'd made good friends over the last three years at Port Angeles high school after moving here from Seattle so Carlisle could work at the Port Angeles Medical center, and I didn't think towns got any smaller than Post Angeles… until now.

Forks.

Someone give me a knife.

At least I only have to endure small town living for a few more months. I'm headed to Berkley in the fall and although I'll miss the rain, I'm looking forward to big cities, and bigger thoughts. Small towns, I've come to know, are places of small thoughts. I want to see more and know more and just have more.

"Shit, I'm late"

"Edward, language please?"

"Sorry mom, but shit, I'm really late!"

I just know every stupid ass kid in that school will be eyeing me up all day long. First day as the new kid sucks shit. At PAHS I transitioned semi well, being that two middle schools were merging into the high school for 9th grade, so everyone was sort of out of their element. But it did not go by completely unnoticed that I was the new kid, so for most of the first week there I walked around like a total tool.

A. friendless. tool.

I was skinny and awkward and that did not help with the ladies either. Toward the end of my first week there I skipped out of my six period English class and hid under the bleachers to smoke. That is the day I met my two best friends in the world. Jasper Whitlock and Emmett McCarty.

Boy how things can change in a few short years.

By our first week senior year we were an unstoppable force. Emmett was homecoming king and our schools quarterback, while Jasper was our schools resident bad boy, and me, I was …well…me. I drove too fast, I smoked too much, I had way too many girlfriends to count and could be found any Friday night at an open mic playing guitar and covering Pearl Jam songs.

"Have a great day honey!"

"Thanks Mom"

_Shit._

I drove to Forks high school way too fast, thanks so my new Silver Volvo my dad bought me as a gift for my cooperation with the move. My sister got a red Audi.

I quickly went to the registers office, got my class schedule, and high tailed it to my first period AP Bio class. Late.

As I rounded the corner of the doorway, I suddenly got really nervous and felt like that 9th grader all over again. Awkward and alone.

Damn I miss my boys.

Mr. Banner stood there half distracted by something on his shirt and told me to come in and that I was late.

_Shit._

I dropped my head and tried to not make eye contact with anyone in the class.

_I can make a better first impression 2__nd__ period._

He quickly told me what lesson the class was currently on, and I informed him that I had covered it in my old school already. He seemed pleased I was not an idiot, he then gestured over to an empty seat two rows back right next to the large glass window. As I looked up to see my new seating assignment, I locked eyes with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. By breath hitched.

_Seriously Cullen, get your shit together. It's a fucking girl and a townie to boot. Think Berkley. California girls. Liberal girls. San Francisco Liberal girls._

But in that moment I could not shake this girl.

She was not your typical beauty; she had a soulful beauty that took my breath away. Her big brown eyes had depth and knowledge brimming in them that I longed instantly to know and then I saw a flash of sadness there as well.

_Be cool Cullen, be cool._

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen. Mr. Banner said I should sit here with you, is that…ok?"

The girl stammered a bit before agreeing. A subtle blush growing over her porcelain cheeks.

"And you are?"

"Oh, sorry. Bella Swan. I know your dad."

_Really, she knows my dad; we've lived her for a whole two days. WTF? _

"Like biblically?" I said chuckling under my breath

_Holy shit, did I just say that to a total stranger. A beautiful stranger. I will have to kick Jaspers ass later for turning me into a complete ass wipe. His sarcasm has rubbed off on me. _

Slowly the name Swan registered in my brain, and I nearly shit myself as I realized that I just implied that the Chief of Police's daughter has fucked my dad?!?

"Yeah, What? I mean… NO! I know your dad because he has treated me at the hospital a few times."

_.. Fix this you sorry ass._

"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to say you know my Dad and well, my best friends would get it… kind of an inside joke, and now I'm wishing they were here or I was…well…not. Seriously, sorry. I know who you are too, your Chief Swans daughter right?"

She quickly nodded and then turned away from me and began to stare out the window.

_I'm sure she will never speak to me again. Nice work on your first day Cullen!_

I'm an idiot with a capital Fuck. I watched her for a moment gazing out the window and I wished that I could grab her shoulders, spin her around to face me and start over. Tell her how, beautiful she was and that I wanted her eyes to be a part of my soul. But like that wouldn't make me look like a completely scary, psycho-idiot with a capital Fuck.

The window then caught my attention and it looked like an impressionist painting. Muted greens and grey, blurred out by the steady stream of moisture running wildly down the pains. It looked like a Monet. My favorite artist.

Without another thought, almost against my will, like gravity or something bigger was pulling me, I leaned slowly over Bella's shoulder and whispered quietly "It looks like Monet's Nympheas."

I heard her breath catch and then a small smile began to spread across her angel like face. She turned ever so slightly toward me and with all that was in me, I had to keep myself from turning to meet her lips.

"I love the rain."

"I do too."

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A/N: Rainy day reviews make me happy


	3. Chapter 3 I Swear

Note: They own it

Hearts and Thoughts

Chapter 3

I Swear

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BPOV

I was not sure what to make of the feeling I was having. It was hard to think and I felt like I had had the wind knocked out of me. Edward had leaned in and whispered that the window I was looking out looked like a Monet painting, my favorite artist, and stealing the very thought from my mind.

I sighed and said I loved the rain, and at that very moment, I was not even sure I meant the rain. I think it was him.

It was like all the love that I had thought lost forever after the passing of my Mom surged into my heart because of this stranger. It was a fleeting thought as I tried to steady my breath and clear my head.

"I love the rain"

"I do too" Edward said softly

Still looking wistfully out the blurry window, I replied, even more quietly "My Mom and I use to sit out on our front porch and listen to the rain fall. It makes me feel safe to hear the pattering of rain drops."

"It's the smell for me. I remember growing up in the city and the smell of the salty ocean and the rain mixing together, reminds me of my family spending the afternoon browsing the Pikes market."

I turned to face Edward and his brilliant green eyes locked with mine and for a few seconds and it was like I speaking with an old friend, someone who knew my very soul. I have never in three years spoken to anyone except for Charlie about my mom. My memories with her were too sacred to defile with words that could not ever truly express my joys, and then my devastating loss.

I continued to share with this stranger my most special memories, trusting him instinctively.

"My Mom use to take me to Seattle every summer and we would walk the market as well. I use to love to get huge bunches of dried flowers and browse the hand made jewelry stands and then we would always go to the starbucks across the alley and she would get an original blend coffee, because she always said "it's the original store, I will get the original blend". She would buy me a biscotti and hot chocolate and then we would sit and watch the men throw the fish for hours."

"I love the market in the summer. And the fish were my favorite part too" Edward said

"When did you move from the city?" I asked inquisitively

"When I was starting 9th grade. It was rough and I missed Seattle so much, but I also met my two best friends in the world so it turned out pretty cool."

"That kind of sucks you had to move again, but it could be worse…I have lived in the same place my whole life. I wouldn't mind a change of scenery sometimes."

"Yeah, it's hard because I miss my friends, but I have my sister and were pretty close. Jasper and Emmett are only an hour and half away, so I will still see them a ton. I think they are more excited about the move than anyone, they are hoping to visit soon and scope out some new tail."

"Tail? They sound like winners." I chuckled a bit under my breath.

_Why am I dissing his friends? He just told me how much he misses them. Way to be a jerk Bella!_

"Dude, I think first day jitters are making me an ass, their not bad guys, I swear"

_Did he just say he has first day jitters? He is by far the hottest guy in this school and he thinks he needs to worry about making an ass out of himself? Half the school is going to be falling at his feet the moment they lay eyes on him. And I'm sure the girls here will be more than happy to hop on the Edward Cullen friend train if it means being closer to him._

"I'm kidding, they will fit right in and I'm sure Jessica Stanley, among others, wouldn't mind showing them around"

"Who's Jessica Stanley? And why do I get the feeling like I should absolutely NOT let her show them anything?"

"You're a quick leaner. Let's just say unless they want to visit your Dad while they are here for some bloodwork and possible antibiotics…they should steer clear"

"Ha, good to know"

"For them or for you?" I said with a bit more flirting in my tone.

_Flirty tone, Bella? What is gotten into you?_

"Oh, no, just them, well really just Emmett. My little sister, Alice, and Jasper have kinda been dating for the last few months. It drives me crazy, but I guess if she is going to date, at least it's someone I know will not hurt her.

He paused every so briefly and seemed to get a bit nervous before speaking again.

"So…What about you? I'm sure growing up here your whole life, you must be dating the homecoming king… you know, all high school sweetheart style?"

I choked a bit on my own words as I let out a small laugh and said a decidedly.

"No way."

"Who then, President of the senior class? More your style?

_Ha! Not in a millions years._

"See, a major perk of growing up in the same town your whole life, is that I remember when our quarterback was 6 and peed his pants during a game of hide in go seek and our class president, well he threw up all over or 7th grade teacher after riding the Farris wheel at the school carnival. Let's just say I will pass on the all boys around here"

"Oh" was all Edward said, but I saw a small smile quickly flash across his face

"So, you going to college?"

_Did he think I was some dumb ass townie? Like I would just stay working at the local diner for the rest of my life, maybe marry young and pop out a few kids?_

"Yes. I said a bit condescendingly "I know Forks seems super-back woods, but please, of course I'm going to college. Brown, early acceptance. I said with a little more pride than necessary "And you?"

"Berkley" he said with a smirk.

_Damn, he was smart too. Hot and smart._

Feeling a bit embarrassed about my assumption I quickly apologized "Sorry about that, I'm sure you were just asking where I was going to college, not if I was. I guess I just get a little worked up over the thought of never getting out of this damn town."

"No, I get it. Why do you think I'm headed to California?"

We both smiled at one other, silently understanding the need to see more of this world than the Olympic Peninsula and an occasional trip to the city.

Suddenly, we both looked away from one another at the loud sound of Mr. Banner clearing this throat.

I had been so engrossed with our conversation, as it flowed freely from one subject to the next, that I barely realized that the bell rang to end the class and we were sitting in an almost empty room.

Mr. Banner sarcastically asked if we were planning on staying for the next period considerding we did not pay any attention to the last. So, we both quickly grabbed our books and sheepishly shuffled out of the room.

"So, well… I guess… " I started to stammer as we stood outside the class room suddenly feeling awkward about what to say next. I felt even weirder because over than last hour I had not talked to anyone that much except for my best friend Rose in forever.

"Yeah, I mean… So… I guess I'll talk to you soon... maybe?" Edward said with as much awkwardness as me.

"Sure, see ya around"

_In my dreams for sure._

As I walked off into the crowed hallway bustling with students and teachers, I quickly looked back behind me to see Edward walking off in the opposite direction. For a brief moment I felt like the whole world had stopped, and then it was his eyes that continued to make the world spin.

EPOV

Wow, I'm such a tool. First I implied she had screwed my dad, and then I leaned so close to her that I had to resist kissing her while she gazed out the window. I shared family memories with her, told her I missed my friends like I was some kind of total pussy, not to mention calling girls "tail" like an asshole right to her face. Pried into weather she had a boyfriend, and then to top it all off I made her feel like I thought she was an idiot, and has no aspirations to go to college.

_Way to go Cullen, you total jackass. But on the bright side... you found out she has no boyfriend, so the conversation wasn't a total fail!_

I'm not sure why I all of a sudden got nervous. I felt like I did not want our hour to have been over. She made me feel, different when we talked, and I liked it. I wanted to ask her when I could talk to her again. But instead I stuttered "Yeah, I mean… So… I guess I'll talk to you soon... maybe?" and that was it. I hoped more than anything she did not think I was a complete ass, and more than that I hoped that she had not decided that she had no intention of speaking with me again.

I walked away from Bella Swan in a bit of a self-loathing slump. I felt her eyes watch me as I retreated from our awkward final words. I wanted to look back and see her beautiful face one last time, to get me through the rest of the day, but I continued without looking back.

_Beautiful._

The rest of the school day went by in a quick haze. My sister Alice and I decided to eat off campus, in lew of being stared at the whole time, while everyone who has known each other from first grade talked about the "new kids".

I did not see Bella anymore the rest of the day, except for when I closed my eyes.

It looked like I was going to become a morning person real fast, as I was already looking forward to AP Bio the next morning and I was only now just leaving the parking lot at the end of my first day.

"What has you all shit eating grinning" My pixie of a sister chirped at me as I was grabbing a snack out of the fridge.

"Nothing, shut it" I said slamming the fridge a little too hard than necessary

"Edward, please tell. I need something to make my day better. I spent most of the day miserable, missing Jazz, and all my friends back at home. I did meet one really nice girl in art class, but other than that my day sucked. So, tell." She demanded as she placed her little fists on her hips and stomped her foot on the kitchen floor.

"Fine, only because you will bug the shit out of me until I do."

This was par for the course for Alice and me. We were only a year apart, and truth be told, we were more like best friends than your typical brother and sister. We never fought, just bickered, but mostly just for the game of it. I was thankful that I had her.

"Well, I guess I'm smiling because I met a really nice girl too"

After the squealing died down a bit, Alice stared with a million questions.

"How old?"

"Senior"

"How tall?

"I don't know Alice, taller than you." I said with a chuckle

She frowned for a moment, hating when I teased her about her height.

"Hair?"

"Brown" I said matter of factually

"And Eyes?"

"Beautiful"

Alice stood there totally motionless, staring at me like I had just sprouted two heads and a tail.

_Shit._

I had not meant to say it out loud. I had been thinking it all day, but that was for me to know, and for absolutely no one else, especially Alice to find out.

With her mouth still hanging open a bit, I quickly decided to cover.

"I mean… she was super hot. I'd hit it." I said with a cocky grin

"Edward Anthony Cullen" Alice screamed at me while slapping me hard across the shoulder

"First off you do not say you want to 'Hit it' when talking about a lady and second off do not try to cover with some 'she was hot' crap! I have never, ever heard you call a girl beautiful in my whole life. Smoke'n, sexy, sweet, hot, but never beautiful. SO SPILL!"

_Ugh, I might as well just come clean, she will never let up and I know this will make her happy._

"I don't know what to say Alice. She was my lab partner in AP Bio first period and the moment I walked into the room, I was just… shit, I don't know, just taken."

I shifted my eyes to the floor knowing what I had just confessed was sure to send Alice over the edge.

I could barely hear above Alice's squeals

I tried to make a bee line out of the room while she was dancing around in her own little happily ever after world, but she caught me by my shirt and pushed me back into the kitchen.

"I'm not done hearing about this mystery girl that has seemingly broken the wild stallion otherwise known as Edward Cullen.."

"Very Funny Alice"

"I am not being funny at all. Do you know how many girls at our old school would have died to hear you call them beautiful, or to have you say you were taken with them?"

"Alice, seriously"

"Edward, seriously. You know you had more girlfriends than you could count."

"Fine" I conceded with another cocky grin

_She was right._

"Well, what is her name?" Alice asked excitedly, hoping to scope her out tomorrow, I'm sure

"Bella Swan"

Alice gasped and then went from zero to sixty miles per hour as she ran around the kitchen island and jumped right onto my back laughing like a schoolgirl who was being chased around the schoolyard.

"ALICE! MY EARS! WHATTHEHELL" I screamed hoping she could hear me over her own screams

"BellaSwanismynewfriend,andEdwardIlovehersomuchandIjustknowyouandheraregoingtomakethecuttestcoupleandwecangoondoubledateswithJazzandherandthenwecanallgotocollegeandthengetmarriedandliveonthesameblockandhavebabiesatthesametimeandgrowoldtogether"

Alice always was one for the dramatics and speaking too fast that all her words blended together when she got supper excited.

"Alice, first get off my back, and then try to speak like a human, not some crazy fairy."

Slinking off of my back and talking a deep breath, Alice fixed her rumpled clothes, and then simply said "Bella Swan was the girl I made friends with today too."

She got a giant grin on her face and turned and started to walk away into the family room

"Not so fast little sister" I said as I grabbed at her hooded sweater and pulled her back and onto the kitchen stool. "Your turn to spill"

"Well, like I said I met her in art class. Her easel was right next to mine and we were supposed to be painting a 'feeling'. I didn't quite know what the heck the teacher meant by that so I leaned over and asked her what she was painting and she smiled and tilted her canvas toward me, like she had the entire concept in the grasp of her paint brush. I looked at her canvas and she had painted her entire canvas the most amazing shade of emerald. I giggled and said "thanks?" and then we both started to giggle uncontrollably. The teacher asked us to step out of the class room and get ourselves under control before coming back in. We ran out of the class still laughing, and we both slid down the hallway wall and after about five minutes we had calmed down a bit."

"What the hell was so funny? I don't get it."

"I guess you had to be there."

"OK" I said a little annoyed that my little sister seemed to have inside jokes with the beautiful girl, after knowing her for like 5 seconds.

"Edward, don't be jealous" She said smirking. "it was just funny because I did not know how to paint a "feeling" and I thought she was going to show me some kind of masterpiece that I could get ideas from and then when I saw her green canvas I thanked her with a question mark in my tone, and I think it dawned on her that she had painted the entire canvas green and nothing else and that the only person that would get the 'feeling' it was her. So, basically she showed me nothing of substance to help me out and it was funny at the time for both of us."

All of a sudden Alice looked at me with the strangest look. Like something had just occurred to her and a smile spread across her little face and she was absolutely beaming.

"What?" I said completely confused

"What period did you meet Bella?"

"First, why?"

Alice began kicking her legs wildly and nearly vibrating off of her seat.

"Your eyes"

"What about them?"

"Your eyes, Edward"

Even more confusion washed over me as our conversation about her and Bella's art class turned into what seemed more and more like a trip to the eye doctor.

"What about them Alice?" I said getting more annoyed at her vagueness

"She was painting the color of your eyes!" Alice said so assuredly that it was like she had a magic ball and could somehow read minds or tell the future or some shit.

"Kiss off Alice. If you're just going to try to mess with my head, I'm outta here"

"No Edward, I'm serious. It was the exact color of your eyes, and our art class was second period."

I thought about it for a quick second and then felt like a jack ass for even considering believing my little sister might be right and that Bella Swan even gave me a second thought the rest of the day.

"Whatever" I said indifferently as I turned and headed up the stairs to my room feeling like a jerk for hoping maybe Alice was right

"Edward, I'm positive. When we were sitting outside of the class room talking I asked her why she painted the canvas all green when we were supposed to be painting a 'feeling' and she said "green is the color of his eyes" and then she turned 10 shades of red and we walked back into class.

_Shit..Taken._

I glanced back at Alice who was radiating from the kitchen counter as I continued to climb the stairs to my room, all the while feeling a little of her radiation running through me now.

I shut the door behind me and fell onto my bed with a thud. I flopped over and stared at the ceiling for the longest time just rolling Bella's words around in my head. 'It's the color of his eyes'

A smile slowly reached my eyes and I quietly said aloud, "I swear that girl will be mine."

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A/N: Reviews are painting feelings with your words. Paint for me please!


	4. Chapter 4 Recognize

Note: They own it. I just love to play with it!

Hearts and Thoughts

Chapter 4

Recognize

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**BPOV**

The last few weeks continued much the same. Edward and I would spend most of our time wrapped up in private conversations while Mr. Banner would constantly roll his eyes in frustration at the fact that he knew he could do little to make us pay attention. Senior year was quickly coming to an end and we were both straight A students and knew all the material he wanted to cover anyway, so for the most part he let us be.

Alice and I had become increasingly close as well. We would spend most of our second period art class giggling together much to our teachers dismay. She, Rose and I would spend our lunches gossiping and Alice would constantly try to drag me out shopping. A chore I would much rather pass on, but Alice was infectious with her bouncing excitement, so more often than not I would agree.

"Please, Please, Please Bella?"

"Alice" I said a little annoyed that this was the third shopping trip in 5 days she wanted to take. "There is no way the stores in town have any new merchandise, and I think you have one of everything this whole town has to sell anyway."

"This is exactly why we are not going to be shopping in downtown Forks this time Bella" Alice said with a mischievous grin.

"Then prêt ell little Alice, where do you suggest we go? There is no way Charlie is going to let me go to Seattle, so we are pretty much out of options."

"You know Bella, Forks is not the only town on the Olympic Peninsula, there's La Push…or Sequim, or …there's Port Angeles!" she said with a sing songy tone.

"Missing Jazz already?" I asked knowing that there was only one thing Alice liked more than shopping and that was Edwards's best friend, Jasper Whitlock.

Jasper had come to visit Edward and Alice last weekend. Alice had wanted her and Jasper to have some alone time, but then again, so did Edward. He complained to me most of first period last Friday about it. He said that they were best friends first, and now Jasper comes to visit and Edward will hardly get to see him.

I tired to make Edward feel better by volunteering to drag Alice away for at least a few hours so that he and Jasper could have some quality 'guy' time. So, that afternoon I picked up Alice to go see a movie. Edward and Jasper seemed excited to have time to just hang out, talk, and play video games.

Jasper seemed really nice for the brief moment that we meet when I picked up Alice from their house. He was tall and thin, and had a slight southern rock'n roll type vibe to him. Kind'a of a bad boy, but with a soft edge, he and Alice looked perfect together.

"Yes Bella, I want to go see Jazz and a shopping trip to Port Angeles would be fun as well!"

"Alice, I'm not sure. I'm pretty shopped out; it's been like 3 times this week already."

"Please, Bella, Please! We can bring Rose and introduce her to Emmett and I know Edward will want come and see the guys too. It will be so much fun!"

_Edward will be there…shopping doesn't sound so bad after all._

"Alright, you win! I'll go, but you are not going dragging me into any more lingerie shops."

_Like I have anyone to wear them for anyway._

"Weeeeeeeeee! Bella, I love, love, love you!"

Alice threw her little arms around my shoulders and gave me a giant bear hug, nearly knocking me over in her excitement. She was running up the stairs before I could even catch my breath, she is surprising strong for her little size, while dialing who I assume would be Jasper to let him know we would be coming up tomorrow after school.

"Hey" I heard Edward say from behind me.

A bit startled, I spun around to see Edward coming in from the back door, dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a fitted cream long sleeve thermal and a brown corduroy jacket, his hair, coppery and wild as usual, dripping wet from the drizzling rain outside.

_Holy hotness. Breath, Bella, Breath. _

"Um, hey yourself" I said hoping my inner thoughts were not showing on my face.

"Where's Alice?"

"She ran upstairs to call Jasper. She roped me into a shopping trip to Port Angeles tomorrow, so she can see Jazz. Well, not just me, Rose too. And you too?"

"Alice can be very persuasive when she wants something." Edward said knowing better than anyone. "Yeah, I'm in. Maybe my friend Emmett can come too. I think he would love Rose."

"I think Alice has already invited him along… she was pretty confident I could cave."

Edward laughed a little, and shook his head. "Yes, she seems to know exactly what everyone will do, before they even decide. She seems to always get her way like that"

I stood there for a few seconds, trying to decide what to say next. I never had a problem talking to Edward in class, or with Alice around, but whenever we were completely alone, I always got a bit nervous.

"So…I guess I'll head out. I'm sure Alice will be talking to Jasper for awhile, and I don't want to keep you from anything you have planed."

I turned to walk toward the front door, when Edward said "No, don't go." A bit breathless.

I stopped dead in my tracks, and slowly turned back around. His eyes where shining brightly, as he smiled. "I mean…you don't have to go. I don't have anything special planed, I was just going to hang out, maybe grab a pizza and chill. Stay."

I watched as his face flushed a bit, and then he looked down nervously at his feet waiting for my reply.

_Edward Cullen blushes? _

"Um, sure."

Immediately, he looked up and his smile grew even more. He grabbed the phone on the small table beside him and started to dial.

"You like pepperoni?"

Edward and I hung out for the next couple of hour, eating pizza, doing homework and just talking. We settled into the same easy rhythm that we have during our class room time. Alice joined us after while and we sat on the couch and watched an episode of MTV cribs before I headed home for the night.

_No sex in the champagne room._

**EPOV**

"Are your ready yet?" I screamed up the stairs at Alice. Seriously annoyed that she still was not ready to go. "We're are going to be late meeting Jazz and Em, and we still need to pick up Bella and Rose, so hurry up!"

"Almost! Alice shouted down the stairs at me. "Quit being so impatient Edward. I know you want to hurry up and see Bella, but chill!"

_Was it that obvious? _

I was seriously looking forward to seeing Bella again. We had been talking everyday in Bio class, and she would come over and hang out with Alice every once in awhile, but mostly they were out doing girl things like shopping and shit, so I did not get to see Bella as much as I might like too.

Yesterday, Bella and I hung out for a few hours sans the crazy pixie, and it was amazing. After the first few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Bella and I began talking and acting like old friends, just like when were are in class together.

The pizza came about 30 minutes after I called in the order and we spread out on the living room floor eating and studying Bio and just being ourselves.

I have never been able to just be me around a girl before. I was always trying to act cool, or say the right thing, but not with Bella. I was just me.

I ate my pizza too fast, burning the roof of my mouth in the process, causing Bella to laugh hysterically at me huffing and puffing with a mouth full of pizza and when I spilled my entire can of soda, we both laughed at my idiot move. I would have been mortified if I had acted that way in front of anyone else other than my family. Especially a girl. A beautiful girl.

_I had a rep I had to keep up._

Bella and I had just got comfortable on the couch, although she was on one end while I was on the other, to watch some TV, when Alice came bounding down the stairs and jumped right in the middle between us.

_So much for trying to bust a move, with the mini cock blocker in the way. _

We watched MTV Cribs, and I about spit my soda out when both Bella and Alice started singing "No sex in the champagne room" when the screen flashed a hot tub and stripper pole in none other than a bonifided champagne room.

_P. Diddy is my hero._

When Bella left, Alice preceded to drive me up the wall interrogating me on what Bella and I did all afternoon, and if she flirted with me, and if I flirted with her, if we were in 'loooooove'. Driving Alice even more up the wall than she was driving me, I simply kept my mouth shut, gathered my books and school work and went to my room and locked my door.

*

"Alice, come on! " I shouted one last time

" I'm ready, let's go" Alice came running down the stairs dressed in a short jean skirt, white tank top, and red cowboy boots.

"You are not wearing that!" My protective brother side rearing its ugly head.

"Oh, yes I am." Alice said stubbornly.

"But…Ahhh... shit. It is totally pointless to try and argue with you and we're late as it is. I will just have to punch Jasper in the face so his eyes swell up and he cannot see you." I said completely seriously.

"Edward, you will do nothing of the sort. Jasper respects me, and he will like it. He loves country."

_Oh yeah, Jasper will like it… I just wish he was not liking it on my little sister. _

"Ughhh…Whatever. Let's roll."

I speed to Bella's house and as I pulled up I realized I was not sure if I should just honk like I would for any other friend, or if I should get out and go to the door like I would for any proper date.

When my car finely came to a stop, I glanced at Alice, hoping she would see my indecision and give me a push in one direction or another.

Too late.

Bella and Rose came barreling down the front steps of her house and hopped into the back seat of my car before I could even reach for my door handle.

"Hi Guys!" Bella and Rose said in unison.

It had not been 3 seconds when Rose blurted out, "So, what is this Emmett guy like? He better be supper hot, otherwise I'm going to be pissed. "

Alice and I both looked at one another and began to laugh uncontrollably.

"What the hell is so funny? I'm serious. If I have to ride in this car for an hour and a half, he better be hot as hell, or there better be some awesome ass sales going on, or you all will be on my list!" Rose said with absolute gravity.

"You and Emmett might just be a match made in heaven." I said still laughing with Alice.

When I had called Emmett last night to make sure he was coming to this whole shopping trip/meet up thing that Alice had concocted, he had said the exact same thing to me. Although, his language was a bit more graphic and he said he was going to kick my ass if she was a butterface.

They were perfect for one another.

The drive to Port Angeles took about an hour. Traffic was light and my new Volvo had some serious kick. The girls jabbed most of the way there and Alice controlled my ipod, which didn't bother me, because all my music was good.

I caught my self watching Bella in my rear view mirror more than I was paying attention to the road. She would throw her head back laughing when she thought something was truly funny, and would just politely smile and softly laugh when she didn't. I noticed that she new the words to all of the songs from my ipod. She would sing them all while Alice and Rose would just mouth the parts they did not know.

It was driving me kind of crazy, especially when Alive from Pearl Jam came on. I watched her sing the verses and it made my skin burn with desire.

'_Oh…she walks slowly, across a young mans room  
She said, I'm ready… for you'_

I nearly drove the car right off the road.

I quickly composed myself, let the song play out and then stole the ipod from Alice and put on Led Zeppelin. Great music, but Bella singing it would not bring me completely to me knees.

_Well, not completely…but damn close. Ugh. This girl is too much and I will never listen to Pearl Jam the same._

**BPOV**

"Alice!" Jasper shouted from the curb when we had final arrived to the outdoor shopping center in Port Angeles.

"Hey Baby" she cooed back as she flew out of the car and jumped right into his arms. He swung her around a few times, before setting her back on the ground and kissing her chastely in front of the rest of us. I assume for Edwards benefit.

I saw Edward from the corner of my eye, hold his breath and then he shoved his left hand into his pocket, and started to walk to Jasper. I could see he had resigned himself defeated. Alice was in love and he knew Jasper would treat her right. So why fight it. He walked to his best friend and gave him the one armed-while you shake- guy hug.

Emmett on the other hand came running full force toward Edward and nearly knocked him down with a huge bear hug and a giant grin.

"Dude, Cullen! I have missed you man!"

"Missed you too dude, school is not the same without you guys."

"Not king status at the new school bro?"

"Not really looking for that, just looking forward to getting it done and over with."

"I hear ya man. So, bro, where's this hottie hot Alice says I'm gonna love? She better be smoke'n dude, cuz I only want the best."

I held my breath as I turned to Rose who was standing right behind me out of Emmett's direct eye line. She liked guys who were bold, but not pigs. I was not sure what she was going to make of Emmett.

"That would be me." Rose said with a sexy grin and she stepped to the side and Emmett got a full view of her.

Apparently, she found him bold.

Rose was stunningly beautiful. Long blonde hair, big blue eyes, and a body women would kill for and men would die to touch.

"You . Are. A. Goddess."

"You're not so bad your self big boy." Rose replied.

Emmett, six foot four, all muscle, with equally blue eyes and dark black hair instantly was wrapped around Rose's little finger, and as it would seem, his as well.

"Well then, get over here and give me a proper hello." Emmett said grinning.

To my utter and complete disbelief, Rose sauntered over to Emmett, threw her arms around his huge shoulders and kissed him smack in the mouth.

I gasped out loud while Edward, Alice, and Jasper all broke into hysterics.

"Well than, shall we?" Jasper said with a chuckle and we all started to walk in paired off groups to the storefront windows for some browsing.

"It looks like it's just you and me." I turned to Edward and said, as Alice and Jasper walked ahead of us, his arm swung over her shoulder and hers wrapped around his waist. Rose and Emmett were just in front of them looking at each other smiling while his large hand covered nearly her entire lower back.

"Looks like it." Edward said with a grin. This was a grin I had never seen before from him. It was mischievous and cocky, but sweet and sincere. It threw me for a loop.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just nice to be here."

"Oh, back home?"

" Ahh…yeah… back home. Although… Forks is growing on me." He said with a wink.

_Did he just wink at me? What the? Was he flirting? No, I must be drinking the Kool-aid._

The rest of the afternoon was great. Alice drug Jasper into every single store we passed. He didn't seem to mind as long as Alice was close by. It was sweet to watch. Rose and Emmett were practically inseparable. They had there hands all over one another any chance they got. It was kinds of gross to watch, but it was just… them.

Edward and I spent most of our afternoon in the book store and the music store. We browsed all the isles and would point out cd's or books that we thought the other would like. We had very similar taste, which surprised me a little, but the more I learned about Edward the more he surprised me. So, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.

The evening came quickly and we all piled back into the car and headed back to Forks. Alice and Rose sat in the back seat, both looking forlorn being away from Jasper and Emmett. I sat in the front with Edward and we quietly chatted all the way home about our favorite bands and concerts we had seen. Edward dropped Rose off first and then me. We pulled up into the drive and I turned to Alice and wished her a goodnight and told her not to worry.

"It'll only be a week and you'll see Jazz again." Trying to cheer her up as best I could.

"I know, but a week is such a long time" She whimpered from the back seat.

"I'll call you later to make sure you're hanging in there, ok?"

"Ok, thanks Bella. I had fun today."

"Me too." I said truthfully.

I turned to tell Edward goodbye, but he was already half way out of the car.

_Is he walking me to my door? Like a guy does after a date?_

I immediately stared to blush. Was that what today was? A triple date? I had thought it was just a group outing, so Alice could see Jasper, but looking back on the day, it may have just been our first date.

I then recognized all the signs of a date.

He opened every door for me going in and out of the stores. He helped me take my jacket off at the restaurant and put it back on when we were leaving. He bought me ice-cream after dinner, a dinner that he insisted that the guys all pay for, and when we were in the music store, I briefly felt his hand rub up against mine softly and it lingered for a moment before I reached up to grab a cd from the shelf. I had thought in the moment that it was just an accident, we had been walking closely all day, but I was quickly starting to think maybe it was not.

_Oh. My .goodness. __I.__ just. went. on. a. date. with. Edward. Cullen???_

Suddenly trying to process this new information, I stumbled out of the passenger side door, and luckily Edward reached down and caught my hand, steadying me before I fell right onto my face.

_Smooth Bella!_

I turned 8 shades of red as I looked up at him. I thanked him for catching me and then straightened myself and bee lined it for the door. I quickly realized that he had not let go of my hand yet. I looked down at my feet as we walked hand in hand to my front step. My heart was beating so fast, I thought he might be able to see it thumping under my clothes.

Hoping my face was not showing the signs of complete shock, and hoping that my shirt was not fluttering from my traitor beating heart, I said softly, lifting just my eyes and looking at him through my lashes,"Thanks for today."

"I had fun, maybe… we can do it again soon?"

Not knowing if we had really just had a date, or if I just read into everything and that he meant we should all hang out as friends again, I simply said "Sure, that'd be great" and I turned to unlock my front door, struggling to make the key fit the lock with my now shaking hands.

_First date kiss? No Bella, this is not a date, get it together… and if it is, you do not kiss on the first date! _

Edward then dropped my hand and reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out a small plastic bag from the music store where we had browsed.

"Here, I got you this."

"What?" I said turning back toward him, ignoring the stubborn lock.

"I got you this, I just thought… since you said you didn't have it… and it's a classic."

"Thanks, but you didn't have..."

"I wanted to." He said as he looked down and shuffled his feet.

Looking back up and locking his memorizing green eyes with mine he said "Well, I guess I'll see you Monday?"

"Yeah, see you Monday." I said breathlessly.

He looked a bit awkward for a second, like he was deciding what to do next, and then he shoved both hands in his pocket, turned, and headed for his car.

_No Kiss._

"Bye Bella!" Alice shouted from the front seat now, seemingly in a better mood than a moment ago.

I waved at them as they pulled away then I threw the door open, yelled hello to Charlie who was sitting in the living room watching the game and ran quickly to my room.

I closed my door and slide down the back side of it, sitting indian style, breathing heavy from the quick sprint.

I glanced at the small bag in my hand and slowly opened it and pulled out the cd.

Pearl Jam Ten album.

* * *

I would be Alive if your reviewed.


	5. Chapter 5 Your Face

Note: They own it.

Hearts and Thoughts

Chapter 5

Your face

EPOV

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

I sat on my bed staring up at my ceiling, replaying the last 6 hours of my night.

We had all gone to Port Angeles for a group outing, and I had wanted it to be a date with Bella, but it wasn't and I knew it. Now, I was not so sure. Was it a date? It kinda felt like a date.

Everyone had paired off during the afternoon and early evening, leaving Bella and I together alone to browse the book and music stores after dinner. It could be, by anyone's standards, be a real date. I laid there wondering if Bella thought it was, or, if I was just kidding myself.

I did everything I would normally do if it had been a real date, everything, but kiss her goodnight. I wanted to. Badly. I opened all of her doors, I helped her with her coat and chair at dinner and I insisted that the guys pay for dinner. I even bought her ice-cream for desert. I was not even aware that I was acting like I was on a date, I was just enjoying my time with her. On other dates, I had to think about how to treat a girl right, but with Bella it just came naturally. I wanted be a gentleman.

_I think it was a date. A pseudo-date? A faux date? Shit. I wished I could read her mind and know what the hell she thought it was. _

At the end of the evening I held her hand. _I held her hand_. She had stumbled out of the passenger side door, right as I was walking around the side of the car to open her door. Like a gentleman. I did not intentionally try to hold her hand, I was just trying to catch her before he bit it face first on the ground, but I had intentionally not let go once she had steadied herself.

I had thought about holding her hand earlier when we were in the music shop looking at cds, but she had reached away to grab a cd off the shelf that she thought I might like.

As we walked hand in hand to Bella's front door. _I walked her to her door._ I kept stealing glances at her. Her face was a beautiful shade of crimson. She was blushing, and looking at her feet when she walked. I was not sure if she was embarrassed by her stumble, and was now concentrating on not falling again, or if she was blushing from her hand being wrapped in mine.

When we reached her front porch, she turned slowly toward me and lifted just her eyes to meet mine. She looked shy, and flirtatious all at the same time. I wanted to reach out and put my hand under her chin and lift her face to meet mine. I wanted to watch her slowly close her eyes and lean in with anticipation of my kiss. I wanted to run my hand behind her head and into her long dark hair and hold her steadily while I pressed my lips to hers. I wanted her.

She quickly said "Thanks, for today" and looked away immediately, fidgeting through her purse for her keys. Not the sign that she wanted to be kissed. _No Kiss_.

" I had fun…maybe we can do this again?" I asked hopefully. She simply replied "Sure, that'd be great" and turned to unlock her door.

The more that I analyzed the night, the more confused I got. Maybe it wasn't a date. Her response to my sad attempt of asking her out on another date was met with a friendly "Sure".

_Sure?_

This was not a date, at least not in Bella's mind. _Damn. _

As Bella struggled with her house key, I let go of her hand and reached into my jacket pocket and retrieved the cd that I had purchased for her in Port Angeles. She had said she did not own it, that she only had a few of the songs on her ipod. While Alice and Jasper made goo goo eyes at one another and Emmett and Rose sucked face saying their long goodbyes I slipped away quickly and ran back into the store and bought her the cd. The way that it made me feel earlier in the afternoon to watch Bella sing along to Alive, made me feel alive. I had to give it to her.

She tried to protest the small gift, but I wanted her to have it.

"Thanks, but you didn't have..."

"I wanted to." I said suddenly feeling exposed.

I quickly looked down and shuffled my feet for lack of anything better to do to ease my growing embarrassment. _I bought her a gift._ She was probably at home thinking I was a total tool bag. It wasn't even a real date, and I bought her a gift. _Kill me._

"Well, I guess I'll see you Monday?" I said looking up and locking eyes with her. Not knowing what emotion was stronger, wanting to grab her face and kiss her hard officially making this a date, or to leave with what dignity I had left.

_Friends can buy each other gifts. It's not like it's a diamond ring, it's a Pearl Jam CD for fuck sake_.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked back to my car.

Alice shouted goodbye to Bella from the front seat of the car and then immediately began to vibrate until we were out of hearing range of Bella's house.

" OMG!" she shouted.

" Shit, Alice! Tone it down."

"Fine. Then I guess you do not want to talk about your first date with Bella. I will just have to call her when we get home and see how she thought it went."

"Alice" I growled, " You will not, and it was not a date!"

"It most certainly was and I most certainly will. If you won't spill, I will get her too."

I knew I was losing a losing battle, so I succumbed.

"Shit Alice. It was not a date…I think."

_Still trying to figure that one out myself. _

"Edward, it was totally a date."

"Alice, this conversation is over, and you will not ask Bella anything. Got it!" I said sternly.

"Fine." She said with a huff, but then gleefully smiled all the way home, knowing it was pretty damn close.

As I drifted off to sleep, seeing Bella's face when my lids closed, I continued to think about our non date and how badly I hoped to take her out on a real one and get that goodnight kiss.

BPOV

All weekend long I thought about Edward and our "date". I felt conflicted. I kinda wanted it to be a date, and I kinda of didn't.

I knew that there was no denying that I find him attractive. That was putting it mildly. Most times I saw him, I wanted to rip his clothes off as quickly as possible and have him heal my aching for him, but on the flip side, I had grown to have a real friendship with him and Alice, and did not want anything to jeopardize that. I was also leaving in six months to start college and did not need to have something, or more specifically someone, complicating my dreams and aspirations.

My mother met my dad in the spring before leaving to go off to Brown herself and by that July she was six weeks pregnant with me. She put her dreams on hold to marry my father and raise a family.

Growing up she always told me her greatest achievement in life was having me and being Charlie's wife. She never regretted not going to college or not having her own career, but she had higher ambitions for me. She constantly told me how there was time to do both in my life, to be young and experience college life, reach my career goals and have personal success and then to be in love and experience the joys of being married and becoming a mother.

She wanted everything for me.

Edward was complicating my plans. My plans to leave this little town. I didn't want to fall head over heels for someone and not really enjoy college life, having a long distance relationship. I wanted to go to fraternity parties and date dances. I wanted to kiss random boys and giggle with my sorority sisters about it. I want to immerse myself into my studies too. I wanted to get the full experience of learning all that I can. I'd get my degree in literature and go to a city, any big city, and work at a publishing house, while I wrote my own book. Edward was complicating my plans.

The way he looked at me sometimes, with his emerald green eyes piercing right into my soul, with his wildly untamed hair calling me to run my fingers through it, and his devilishly beautiful smile that pulled me to him like a magnet that's only purpose was to be connected to him, mind, body and soul was complicating my plans.

Very. Very. Complicated.

By Sunday evening I had decided that it was not a date. I had imaged the entire thing and that all of the crazy mixed up feelings I was having were first off, surely one sided anyway, but completely outrageous. I was determined to push them away and continue to just be friends with Edward Cullen.

" Hey Bella" Edward said when I sat down at our lab desk Monday morning, looking more dashing than ever, although he had slight circles under his eyes.

"Hi." I said back nonchalantly, "Tired?"

"You could say that. I didn't…uhh…sleep real well this weekend."

I looked at him inquisitively with a raised eyebrow.

"Just a lot on my mind. So, how was the rest of your weekend?"

"Good. Quite. Charlie was fishing all weekend, so I just pretty much hung out and relaxed."

I didn't want to give away that he wasn't the only one who could barely sleep all weekend. I had a lot of _him_ on my mind. Thank goodness for makeup.

"How's Alice? She didn't call all weekend. Is she still missing Jasper pretty bad?"

"Yeah, Jasper had to cancel his trip this coming weekend. He's going with his parents to look at a few colleges in Seattle, so she is pretty bummed."

"Well, this coming weekend I'll be home alone again, so maybe Alice will want to come over and stay. You know some good girl bonding. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to, and just veg out with."

"If it wasn't my sister who was going to be over, I'd ask if there will be any pillow fights that might be happening and if there was a judge needed?"

" Ha, very funny! No, no pillow fights. Some snuggling, in our bras and panties, but no pillow fights."

"My eyes!" he said laughing while he rubbed his palms over his eyes, trying to wipe the vision away.

"You asked for it."

_He deserved that. _

"I guess I did." he said sheepishly, " Touché."

It was nice. All weekend I wondered if it was going to be awkward today, not knowing what Edward thought Friday night was, but we were being ourselves. My over active imagination, thinking I had gone on a date with Edward was now making me feel like a stupid girl with silly assumptions.

In second period, Alice was not her normal bouncy self. The teacher asked us to paint a self portrait and Alice covered her entire canvas with one black tear drop. When the teacher inquired, she said she was going through an abstract phase with her art. Mrs. Cope was not amused, but art is subjective and the class was pass fail, so as long as you painted something, you were good to go.

"Alice, Edward told me that Jasper can't come up this weekend. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm more upset at what he is doing, rather than the fact I won't be able to see him."

"Isn't he looking at some colleges…with his parents?" I inquired, not sure what was so upsetting. It's not like he was going to be able to hook up with some college girl in a night of drunken fun.

"I know, it's just the idea that in a few months he'll be gone, away to college, and I'll just be some high school girl he barely thinks about."

"Alice, Jasper is crazy about you, and Seattle is only 4 hours away, you guys will see each other plenty."

This conversation was the complete justification for my worries about Edward. I did not want to be freaking out about when I will see him again, and wondering if he is hanging out with other girls while he's away at college, and keeping myself from enjoying my own experiences. Long distance does not work. Not for me.

I however could not fault Alice. She was, by all accounts, totally and completely in love with Jasper. Everyone has different dreams in life, and Alice's dream is to marry Jasper and live happily ever after. Anything in between, was just filler.

I kinda loved that about Alice. She lived from the heart, she was all fairy tales and happen endings.

"How about a sleepover at my house this weekend? Mani-Pedi's, Pretty in Pink, and pigging out on ice cream?"

"Really? Bella, that would be great!"

"Good! I need some girl time too."

I didn't want to bring Alice down by mentioning my real reason for wanting some quality girl time, this coming weekend was the third anniversary of my mom's passing. Charlie was going to go up to the cabin that he and my mom honeymooned at. He did it every year, and that was ok with me. He liked to remember her happy and he always said that she never smiled more than she did that week, at that cabin by the lake.

I usually spent this weekend with Rose, but she was leaving for her cousins wedding in Portland for the weekend. She felt awful, but was a bridesmaid and I insisted that she go and have fun.

Just having Alice around, with her unusually happy disposition would be wonderful relief from a seemingly dark day of remembrance. I wanted to spend the day smiling and laughing and celebrating life, as my mom had wanted for me to do on this day.

The week passed quickly and Friday night was nearly over. Charlie and I had a nice home cooked meal. We spent hours in the kitchen together making all our favorite recipes that my mom used to make. We sat and talked about her and remembered and shared some of our most treasured memories. It was our tradition.

Charlie headed up to bed around 9:30, to get a good night sleep before waking early to head to the cabin a few hours outside of town. I slide into my bed, grabbed my journal, and sat quietly thinking about my mom and how much I missed her.

The phone rang suddenly, and snapped me out of my thoughts abruptly.

"Hey Alice. What's up?" I whispered quietly to not wake Charlie.

"Bella, I'm so excited! Jaspers parents invited me to come along to visit colleges with them this weekend. Apparently they say I'm the best thing that has happened to him. 'That his bad boy attitude to life has become increasingly 'less bad' and more 'boy… in love'.' I swear that is an exact quote from his mom!"

I yanked the phone from my ear as to not suffer permanent hearing loss from Alice's squeals.

I was happy for her. Truly.

"Alice, that is amazing! I told you Jasper is crazy about you, even his mom sees it."

"Oh, Bella. I just feel terrible canceling our sleepover. I was really looking forward to it. Can we do it another weekend?"

"Of course Alice, have so much fun and call me when you get home. I want to hear all about it." I said sincerely.

"Thank you Bella, I love you so much!" Alice squealed again into the phone, making me flinch at the deafening sound.

"Love you too! Have fun! Bye."

I closed my cell phone, slumped back into my bed, and readied myself for a harder day than I had expected to have.

Alone. All. Alone.

I fell asleep seeing her face.

My mom.


End file.
